She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
