Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
