just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
