so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
our cab driver is having phone sex.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize
