her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
