and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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