eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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