How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
