you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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