So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
