Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
