jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
