I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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