I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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