i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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