Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
