Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
