mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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