She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
