i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
