quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Randomize
