She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
