soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
