I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
