Your face is a jimmy john
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
