so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize