i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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