Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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