just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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