She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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