You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
