I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
