I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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