You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
