Yo dont text me then not text me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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