we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
