So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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