whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
