how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
