Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
