it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
