and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
