I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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