oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
