Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
