If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
