I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
