are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
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We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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