I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
