Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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