seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
