Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
