I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
