Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
