I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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