I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
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his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize