I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
