i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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