THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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