as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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