worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The adults are the big ones right?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
