those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just google imaged poop.
Just cropdusted the office
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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