I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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