I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
